Many of you know the popular children's story Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach. It tells the tale of a sleepy parent exasperatedly asking his child to go to sleep. To bring awareness to the dangers of sleep deprivation, I've decided to write my own (shortened) version of this story from the child's point of view to the parents. Enjoy!
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**Disclaimer: This story/poem may not be appropriate for children due to usage of adult language.**
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Our puppies and kitties cuddle together,
Our birdies have ceased to cheap,
You've turned off the TV, dear parents,
Please go the fuck to sleep.
You turned off the lights in the house,
You turned off the lights on our jeep,
I don't want you to read me a book,
Just swear you'll go the fuck to sleep.
The alarm is already set for tomorrow,
You've finished that movie on Meryl Streep,
You won't be able to stay awake in the morning,
If you don't lie the fuck down and sleep.
Daddy and Mommy, do you need help?
You can always try counting sheep.
I've heard that not thinking too much
Can help you shut the fuck up and sleep.
You won't do as well at work,
Your memory will suffer and you'll weep,
Your boss will yell at you, you might lose your job
If you don't fucking decide to sleep.
You'll mess up your circadian rhythm,
You might catch a Dutch griep,
Then you'll have to use a sick day,
So for real, what's the point, fucking sleep.
Have you seen the news lately?
With all the cars that go beep beep?
So many fatal accidents,
When adults don't go the fuck to sleep.
The loud music or cold air won't help,
That coffee is not gonna keep,
Unless you pull over and take a nap first,
So close your eyes, cut the crap: sleep.
Don't you want me to grow up healthy and strong?
I might be America's future veep.
But I can't do that if you stay up all night working,
Stop fucking with me please, and sleep.
I need my rapid eye movements,
I need all my stages of sleep,
If I don't get them I might wither away,
Or go crazy and think I'm little Bo Peep.
So please dear parents, just listen.
Let in the drowsiness, let it seep.
Or there will be horrible consequences, I swear,
If you don't heed my warnings and sleep.
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